This week has been shit already. Really, i feel like im getting hit from every which way. People are opinionated and need to shut their mouths. I just feel numb right now like i know im in pain but it hurts so bad that its above my pain sensors.
Sometimes I feel so lost in myself. There are days that I feel like I don’t know who Iam. That’s what is left , a shell of a person that is so unsure and insecure about herself. How does someone do this to us? Are we destine to feel like we are alone? Is really someone out there that can take this loneliness and turn it into happiness. A person that can take all the bad and make you see that it was all worth it. People say it will get better, but when…? How long do you have to wait til someone makes you feel found or until that naturally happens? It isn’t even about someone else making you feel that way. There are things in this world that make you feel that way, that make you feel like you are alone even when you are in a crowd of people or a room full of people . Sometimes this life is hard and people bring you down. There are times your heart will break and more then once. Love is hard loss is hard life is hard but the test is living it and trying to survive until that day it doesn’t feel like you have to try anymore and that could be because of someone that walks in to you life or til you find that piece that makes you feel whole.
I try to feel anything really. I feel so empty. Blocked of from everyone. I don’t know what it is. I have some good stuff going on in my life but I think this is deeper. I think this is me. There is something wrong. Iam always sad and I can’t shake it. Maybe it’s time to address this cause it hasn’t gone away. I thought with age it would that this was just a adolescent thing but its not. This emptiness is so big. I can feel it on my heart. It’s been a rough year. Bad brake up and other shit. My heart is still in recovery and I don’t know when it will be ok to work again. It wil take time and trust. But I have to trust myself too. To do the right thing and act the right way or I can’t do anything.
I lost
I miss u and want to start new. But I want to start new together.
When you lay your head down at night there is something you always think about, that one thing that you want most in this world. It doesn’t matter what it is just that it’s your dream. It could be a person,an object but for me it’s much more. For me it’s a dream that I know I could do and be happy. I could go so far and be so content with life. But sometimes a dream is just that… A dream. There is too much fear between me and that shining star… My dream.
